It’s Not Wednesday; Related Thoughts on My Weight Loss Experience

Ready for some First World Problems? Honestly, this entire blog is a First World Problem. I have the luxury of being on a diet and eating less food. I have the luxury to donate large amounts of clothes because they don’t fit me. I have the luxury to be excited over purchasing jeans that are the smallest I’ve ever fit into as it’s a good thing that I am losing weight because I am not starving or sick.

With all that said… I wanted to share some thoughts on my weight loss journey. Feel free to read along.

“You know that doesn’t fit you, right?”

A phrase I’ve been hearing quite frequently, which is meant as a compliment, has been “You know that doesn’t fit you, right?” Or maybe it’s, “Tawny, you need new pants…” or “That shirt is too big…” or “Looks like you’re wearing that for the last time…” or “Are you wearing your Harry Potter robes?” (apparently, my dress was too big).

It’s nice that people are noticing that I am losing weight, but it’s also annoying because I don’t have the money to buy more clothes or the desire to shop. So, I decided to go “shop” through my dresser and try on all of my clothes to see what I could fit into. Apparently, not as much as I thought, and with my options limited, I decided to go to Old Navy and use some of my Rewards money to purchase a pair of jeans.

I can fit into what?!

So, with coupons and rewards in hand, I headed into Old Navy with a goal: buy jeans that actually fit. I didn’t think I would hit a milestone. I thought the current jeans I had were just stretched out and surely I didn’t lose that many inches.

I was wrong.

I went down to a 12 pants size! I wasn’t expecting it. When I grabbed a selection of jeans, which were made up of mostly size 14, I decided to throw in a size 12 just to see — how close am I? And to my surprise, I was very close — in fact, a size 12 was a little loose.

Ridiculous Instagram story I did in response…IMG_4212.gif

The last time I recall being this size was over 10 years ago post-appendectomy, and that didn’t even last long because as you know I was overweight for a reason. So, let’s go further back in time…back when little Tawny was in middle school. I remember buying size 13 pants then. So, size 12? What is this nonsense?

I started this Weight Watchers program at a size 16 and now I am 12. I didn’t think I would get here, but I am so thankful I have stuck it out for the last eight months to get here… and I am excited to see where the next eight months will bring me.

Weight Watchers Wednesday: 30 Pounds Down!

It’s been nearly eight months since I began my Weight Watchers journey and I am proud to share that I’ve lost 30 pounds!

I’m shocked. I didn’t think I would be able to get here. I’ve never even been here before! I’ve never lost this much weight save for the appendicitis when I was 19. And to be honest, when I started this journey I didn’t think that I would actually end up here.

Past diets only had me at 10-15 pounds weight loss, but I was never able to keep it off and I would consistently gain it all back — and then some. This time it’s different and it’s exciting.

My goal weight is now only 20 pounds away! It’s the same weight I was after my appendectomy.

So, why this goal?

I want to see what a healthy 164 looks like. For so long when I thought of myself thin I would see that sickly 19-year-old and it did not motivate me. It scared me. Now, I want to rewrite that image in my head. What does a healthy 32-year-old look like at 164?

It’s also been really cool to see the various responses of my friends, coworkers, and peers this past week. The weight loss is now considerable enough that people are taking notice and their compliments are so encouraging and motivating.

I am working hard. I am sacrificing. And it’s showing!

I am proud of what I’ve done so far. But I wouldn’t be at this point in my journey without God. He has sustained me. He has encouraged me. My “why” is about Him. So, I continue on.

As I said before, I have 20 pounds more to go before I hit my next big goal. I need to think of my reward, but until then, I am going to buy a dress from ModCloth because that’s my 30-pound reward.

I am still uncertain of the dress, but so far, I am looking at this one:


Until next time… Happy Wednesday!

Weight Watchers Wednesday: FREEDOM

IMG_3978Sometimes you eat your way through New York and Chicago with friends and then go to a Weight Watchers meeting and realize your body was like, “Hey, this was really good food and I want to hold onto it.” So you’re like, “All right. I just gained 2.8 pounds, but that’s okay because the past two weeks were unbelievable and I wouldn’t trade it for 2.8 pounds.”

So, that’s where I am at. It’s a new day, a new week, and I am going to lose weight because this program actually works.


I have spent the majority of my life overweight. I’ve tried different diets. Some would work for a little while, I would lose 5-10 pounds here or there, but then quickly gain it all back (and then some). When I would gain weight in those diets I felt out of control. I felt guilty. I felt less than because how could others lose weight and I couldn’t? What’s wrong with me? I must suck at it and should stop trying.

I don’t think that way anymore.

There’s more freedom in this life than how I’ve lived. I’ve learned this from God and now I am finally letting this truth seep into how I eat and treat my body.

There’s no place for guilt or shame or for feelings of defeat and doubt in my life, especially when it comes to my body because this body was made to serve the Lord.

So, this is what I say to my old self and the old guilt that still tries to come at me:

New York in the Spring

This past St. Patrick’s Day weekend I found myself walking the streets of New York City just as I did ten years ago to the date. In fact, St. Patrick’s Day is the only time I’ve ever been to New York. One day, I hope to be there in the fall and receive a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils.
Processed with VSCO with 4 preset

This trip was different than the last ones. I didn’t go for a journalism conference as I had done in years past. I didn’t go to be a tourist or even for work. I went because God said to go.

Processed with VSCO with 4 preset

While I am not ready to go into full detail on what New York is and what it means, I did want to post about it to remember. To remember that He is moving. His Kingdom is everywhere. And most importantly for me and in this season of life, obedience includes suffering, joy, celebration, growth, pain, fulfillment, excitement, anxiety, anticipation, and relief. It can mean a whole heck of a lot of things that I sometimes forget.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

And I am ever so grateful for His Love and that He has invited and sent me out to follow Him.

5 Books of 2018 (ish) So Far

I set an annual goal to read as many books as I am old. So, this year I am reading 32 books, and I am currently 1/3 on my way to goal. Instead of waiting until December to share my favorites of the year, here’s a post where I share my favorite five so far.

Here’s my favorite 5 (so far)

The Mermaid’s Sister by Carrie Anne Noble
Young Adult Fiction

This charming tale shares the semi-whimsical story of adopted sisters who are wrestling with identity and destiny. It’s a delightful fairy tale that I couldn’t help fall in love with. I downloaded it for free on Amazon First Reads, and sometimes it’s hit or miss, but this was definitely a hit. It’s by no means perfect, but this warming story of hope and love is what I needed to read this winter.

Purchase it on Amazon

30133224Carve the Mark by Veronica Roth
Science Fiction Fantasy

Veronica Roth has returned after writing her Divergent series with her new sophomore series, Carve the Mark. As a writer myself, I am so impressed with her world building detail. This densely rich world draws the reader in — albeit slowly — but once one commits to the first act her characters will take one on an intriguing ride into a world that I myself cannot wait to revisit with the next installment this April.

Purchase it on Amazon


The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz

There are some books that after reading you realize you will probably read it 15 more times throughout the course of your life. It’s a like a required reading for your soul. This is one of the books that falls into that category. As Chris explains, the enneagram is a sacred map to your soul. It’s more than just a personality test you take online. It’s a way to discover how God uniquely made you and how to connect with your Creator through spiritual discernment, healing, and disciplines.

Purchase it on Amazon


How to Find Love in a Bookshop by Veronica Henry

This charming book was made for someone like me, who dreams of owning a bookshop in a quaint town where each patron’s love story is just as important as the ones in the books I sell. This story follows Emilia as she tries to keep her father’s bookshop from closing, while at the same time, she is discovering that this small Cotswold town has a bookshop full of true love stories!

Purchase it on Amazon

35793266Pilgrimage of a Soul: Contemplative Spirituality for the Active Life by Phileena Heuertz

There are some books that arrive when you need them. There are some books that you want to slowly read each chapter, digesting each page as if its overwhelming truth would form you into a stronger, more faithful, believer in Christ. This is one of them. I adored this book. Phileena shares her physical and spiritual pilgrimage and offers prayer practices to help one in their own journey. From sleepfulness to wakefulness, her journey has led me into a deeper relationship with God. So yeah, read it.

Purchase it on Amazon


What do you think of my list? Share your book recommendations in the comments below and/or follow me on Goodreads.

Weight Watchers Wednesday: Listen all of y’all it’s a (self) sabotage

Processed with VSCO with a4 preset
This is the face of a woman who knows she has set a precedent to take photos but is just not in the mood.

So, after a week of trying to self-sabotage I came out losing weight. How did that happen?

First off,  this week I lost weight and I am now .6 pounds away from 30 pounds of weight loss, which is insane to think. That’s a toddler. I have lost a toddler. Good thing I am not a mom or I would ask someone to report me to the proper authorities.

Anyways! I am getting closer to goal, but my attitude is currently very salty. And somehow, this past week I failed in self-sabotage.

I didn’t track as much. I ate Easter-style candy, cookies, and high in points Starbucks. I even went to the grocery store with the intention of buying no-no foods — a self-sabotage excursion — and yet, none of the foods appealed to me (more on that later).

But, why the self-sabotage?

I am under a lot of stress, my why is not holding up, and it was the week before I started a period. Three potent ingredients for a disaster.

And yet, somehow, through it all, I still lost 1.2 pounds. An unexpected mercy, if I do say so myself.

Why didn’t my self-sabotage work?

As I said before, I went to the grocery store to purchase no-no foods but none of it was appealing enough. What used to call out to me: soda, chips, pastries, etc., didn’t appeal to me. Not only were they not worth the points or the money, they were not worth wasting my taste buds on them. I didn’t desire them anymore.

I realized that my body deserves better and I was instinctively reflecting that truth in my decisions.

And honestly, I couldn’t ask for more personal growth than that.

As I said on this blog before, my goal is not just to lose weight but to make Weight Watchers a lifestyle. I want to live a better, healthier version of me (inside and out). So, choosing not to eat unhealthy foods is a good start, but the next step is focusing on core issues. Sure, I can change behavior, but changing heart and will is much harder. When I have a salty weak, what do I go to? Six months ago I went to foods that destroyed my body, but this week it was different. In my weakness, I still chose foods that were not destroying me. Sure, some were still high in points, but nothing compared to what I would have chosen six months ago.

And I thank God for this foundational change.

My desires have changed.

I have changed.

And my body’s transformation is reflecting my heart’s transformation. 


Weight Watchers Wednesday: I am in a new decade of weight!

Processed with VSCO with q5 presetIt’s Wednesday and that means it’s time for another edition of my weekly posts on my Weight Watchers journey.

Today I broke into the 180’s, and as my WW leader says, “I am in a new decade!”

A Huge Milestone

I haven’t been in the 180’s since my senior year of college, which is ten years ago. And that was something that only lasted a month! My body has been a consistent 200+ for quite a long time (except for the random season of 160s after my appendix exploded and nearly killed me my sophomore year). So, this new weight loss (I am 187.4 lb) is a huge milestone for me. It’s something I have been fighting toward since I started WW six months ago.

To my surprise, this week I lost three pounds! (Hence the photo though please ignore my mess of fingers — I am accident prone.)

So, What Did I Learn This Week? How Did I Lose 3 Pounds?

It’s not necessarily, a step 1: do this, step 2: do this, and you will lose three pounds kind of situation. I have learned for my own body I have weeks where I will lose multiple pounds and others that I maintain — though I may have done exactly the same thing for both weeks. So this is some things I learned and discovered this week that helped toward my overall weight loss.

  • I discovered Black Bean Soup is 0 points (here’s the recipe I sort of used) and it’s been the perfect lunch. It’s economical, budget friendly, and delicious.
  • My gym has been closed for repairs and will be closed for another two weeks, so I am learning different ways to exercise and also concentrating more on what I can control — what I put in my mouth.
  • After hitting the 25-pound weight loss, I celebrated a bit too much and ate my weekly points and then some! I could have continued over-eating and “celebrating” but I instead turned to focus on my goal of breaking through the 180’s and it motivated me to keep going.
  • I am a sucker for rewards.

IMG_3390.JPGI like rewards!

As a reward for losing 25 pounds, I purchased some bath bombs from LUSH for a job well done.

And for my next reward, I will be buying a dress from ModCloth.

I have two more pounds to go to hit 30 pounds of weight loss! This is motivating me to keep going, keep eating well, and to keep choosing what is good for me.



Until next week!