It’s Saturday evening and I am drinking some Moroccan Mint Tea, smelling some Eucalyptus leaves, and listening to Housefires.
The evening started with reading some more chapters in Taylor Lyall’s book, Humble Walk: Lessons from a Simple Man Following Jesus, while I waited for my water to boil for my mint tea. And in that time, the Holy Spirit gave me the biggest, deepest hug I’ve had in awhile. I don’t know how to explain it exactly. It’s like all of my barriers and walls I’ve built around me (that I didn’t know I had) just fell and He swept me up and told me that He loved me. It was vulnerable. It was raw. It brought me tears. And then I just started singing to God. It started with “Good Good Father” from Housefires and then it just moved into my own words of praise and worship.
I am not sure if my landlord below heard me, and I do apologize if he did because it wasn’t necessarily pretty to human’s ears. It had a lot of broken words, sobs, and sounds I didn’t know I could make, but I know it was beautiful to my Father.
Sometimes I am so desperate for God and other times I am not. I wish I were more desperate for Him. I wish I actively sought out those healing hugs. Instead, I spend so much of my time rejecting Him either because I don’t feel like I am worthy or because I think I don’t need Him — both are so incredibly wrong and damaging. I am thankful for the moments when God pushes my sin out of the way and shows me, loudly and plainly, the depth and width of His love. It’s so powerful. It’s so real. It’s so… beautiful.
I write this post so that you would be encouraged. You have a God who is desperately pursuing you; who loves you despite of your sin and rejection of Him. He loves you. And He won’t stop loving you. Embrace His love tonight.