Making this Fall Last


Think of a rollercoaster.

I, for one, am terrified of rollercoasters, so I can totally relate if you feel a little apprehensive about thinking of such a thrilling ride, but for the sake of my metaphor I need you imagine it.

You are slowly moving forward, unsure of where you are going, yet you know that the glacial pace is moving you higher and higher.

You want to go faster, but you are not in control of it. You are along for the ride. Taking it in. Knowing that you are building up to something.

You reach the top and there’s a moment where you feel like you know everything. You have just experienced the build-up and now you can see clear ahead. Well, it’s a little blurry because the time it took you to get up there, your eyes aged a bit, but you can still see what is ahead of you.

And then it happens.

The drop. The feeling of being thrown into something you can’t control. You are now in it. The momentum is so strong that you can’t slow it down, and you kind of wish it was slow like before, but then you’re also kind of feeling like, well, this is terrifying, maybe I am glad it’s going really fast. And you can’t really see what’s ahead of you anymore, so maybe it’s best you close your eyes. You’re just reacting now — sometimes screaming — but you are completely available to the moment. You are completely along for the ride.

And then are you done.

And you realize the build-up in comparison to the fall was minuscule.  And you kind of feel robbed. Like, if you knew how quickly it would’ve gone by you would’ve have enjoyed it more! You would have taken in every second of the rising and falling and made it last as long as it could.

And folks, that’s what life is like.

When I was younger time felt so long. I was always waiting; looking forward to what was ahead. I was excited for the thrill of adulthood, and yet childhood went by slowly — days felt like years.

And then I hit my 20’s and I felt like I knew everything. I was on top of the rollercoaster, looking out. Telling God my plans.

And now, I am in my 30’s and everything is falling around me so fast. Each day feels like a second. I can’t catch up. I can’t stop the momentum. And yes, sometimes the fear of being an adult is real.

I am not sure what is ahead. Instead of looking at what is coming next, I am learning to look to God — the one who built the rollercoaster. I am learning to enjoy the rising and the falling, and more importantly,  I am learning to make this fall last.

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