In 1 Samuel 8 a significant turning point happens to Israel that changes the trajectory of their nation. They rejected the judgeship –something that set them apart and was something that made them completely subject to God’s rule, reign, and authority — for kingship. They wanted a king so that “we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles” (1 Samuel 8:20).
I had to admit to God tonight that this chapter in the Bible causes so much tension inside of me. I mean this is it — we are going down the pathway of King David and King Solomon, two monarchs that I love to read and learn about. God did so many awesome things through their kingship. And Jesus came through the line of David! It’s exciting.
And yet, this is the point when Israel rejects God and He concedes. He warns them of the corruption and the frailty of man, the consequential slavery that they are putting themselves back into, and yet they still choose to be like others. It’s painful.
How many times have I rejected God’s reign in my life? How many times have I decided either that the government in my own country is more important than Jesus, my King? How many times have I made myself the monarch?
It’s a high number.
I had to confess to God (and more to myself) where I have been rejecting His authority in my life. And it’s embarrassing and frustrating because I love God … a lot. I love Him more than anything else in this world — except for myself. I still love myself more. I still love my dreams more.
I want to love God more. I do. I end all of my prayers asking God to teach me how to love Him; to grow my heart; to align my will to His; and to love others as He loves others. I need my heart to grow and strengthen.
After my reading and prayer tonight, I started singing “Desert Soul” by Rend Collective. I didn’t know all of the words all that well except for the beginning:
I love you Lord, but I want to love you more
I need you God, but I want to need you more
So I decided to run to YouTube and play it loud and proud in my room and dance around and sing and declare it to God. If you have the time, listen to it (I purposefully chose the video with the lyrics on it).