You know how there are just moments that you find yourself in and you think, I need to listen. I need to pay attention. This is important. I was placed here for a reason to observe and learn.
They are these teachable moments that are going to shape you and possibly change the path you’re on or maybe actually get you back onto the path you were supposed to be walking.
Tonight after the women’s gathering, I stood with three women as we processed through some marital issues. And as I stood there listening to one woman who spent three decades as a single woman and who is now married for two share her heart, and then another woman who has been married for 11 years, and another for 17 years, sharing their advice and wisdom, I found myself in that moment. LISTEN, TAWNY. Take this all in. Be a sponge. Soak it all up.
One day, God willing, I will be married and I will need to remind myself of this wisdom. I will need to remember that I am not alone. That I will have support and other women who have gone before or are going through it too — going through the suck, the struggle, the real reality of sanctification.
The biggest takeaway I had was the realization that if I were to marry my relationship with God will change. That how God communicates with me may change. It won’t be just me and God, but it will be me and this other man and God. We are going to become one flesh. And how I connect to God may change. Also, I will have to trust another sinful human too. My sin will not be the only thing God and I will have to deal with but someone else’s sin will be in the mix.
I am thankful that I haven’t wasted my singleness. I have been very grateful to be single. But having this realization tonight brought in a whole new layer of gratitude. I love my God. I love spending time with Him. I love our conversations and how He loves me. I protect our relationship too. And knowing that it could change, to be honest, scares me. Obviously if God tells me to marry a man, I will. I will certainly obey, but I am going in with clearer eyes now — knowing what I will give up.
I have never been one to settle (some would say that’s the reason why I am a spinster) and maybe that is partially true but I am okay with that. I will not settle for anything less than what God wants. I will not give up my precious relationship with God for someone who does not value God or their relationship with Him. I want a man who loves God just as much as I do or even more so and who is willing to submit to God and be sanctified together.
Yet until then, God will continue to be my husband and I will love the time we have together. It’s precious and it’s worth the lonely nights because really, I am not alone. He’s with me.