You don’t always realize how much a person has effected you until they’re gone. Like an indent left on the couch, his absence has left an impression. There are moments when I want to talk to him, share with him the new article I read or the new theory I have about Doctor Who. I want to troll him with Taylor Swift and talk for hours again.
And it’s not like he chose to leave. I told him no. The fault is mine. This absence is mine to bear.
And yet I miss him.
I didn’t realize how much I let my guard down and let him into my life until this week — when I just wanted to sleep and watch movies and ignore the responsibilities of life. God is working in me and it’s wonderful to see, though it’s slow and painful at times.
I suppose the last two months were not a waste of time then. I met a man who I liked and I got to know him and he was a part of my life — though it was only for a short time – and it was good.
But I cannot play the game of friendship. It was an either (yes) or (no) type of relationship and I had to choose the or. As I said, he’s a man and he deserves a woman to love him deeply.
So there’s that. A post about him — the guy who I miss and the guy I am thankful to miss.